One of Ted’s Facebook friends posted a closed caption speech that I think is amusing–and pointed–enough to share here.

On December 10, 2024, Canadian Member of Parliament, Elizabeth May, let Trump know exactly how she feels about him suggesting that Canada become the 51st state. She called Trump’s language about the U.S. acquiring Canada “insulting,” and went on to suggest that some of the United States’ most left-leaning states join Canada, where their policies will be more welcome. The text of PM May’s speech below is in her words; the punctuation is mine. I did not fact check her speech.

Sorry, Mr. Trump. and I really also take offense to your idea that Pierre Poilievre wasn’t good enough to lead the Conservatives. Wayne Gretzky–I mean, he’s great; he is the Great One. He skates to where the puck is going, and it’s not going to MAGA. The puck is on the Canadian ice rink, and by the way, Mr. Trump, please, before making public pronouncements that Wayne Gretzky should run for Prime Minister, give yourself–or get yourself–a briefing on the nature of parliamentary democracy. [It is] a Westminster parliamentary system and a constitutional monarchy where no one runs for Prime Minister. We have elections for members of Parliament. We don’t get to pick and choose among our billionaire friends for who gets a seat at the cabinet table if they’re not elected a member of Parliament. Our system is different from that of the United States of America. I suggest that Mr. Trump find one of his grandchildrens’ schoolbooks and look at the year 1770, which may explain a few things to him about why our system of government is different.

I don’t want to belittle Mr. Trump, but on the other hand, hey, Donald, have we got a deal for you! You think we want to be the 51st state? Nah! But maybe California would like to be the 11th province. How about it, California? Oregon? Washington? We’ve got geography and common goals, and not only that, we’ve already got a carbon trading system between California and Quebec. We’ve got some strong alliances on our West Coast from British Columbia. There’ve been a lot of academic papers on the idea of Cascadia.

So, California Governor Newson, and Washington State Jay Inslee, and newly-elected governor of Oregon Tina Kotek, how about it? Want to put a referendum to your citizens?…This is what you get: free health care–universal free health care. No more one-year-olds who suddenly fall off the Medicaid list and their parents are in the news because they’re trying to do a GoFundMe so they can get their daughter to a doctor. Universal free health care.

And guess what–those gun laws that your Congress is too afraid to pass? Because of the National Gun Law lobby, we already got our strict gun laws. That’s why we have the safest streets around the world….By the way, [according to] the most recent stats, 5.9 out of every 10,000 people is killed in a fatal gun incident [in the United States], versus 0.88 per 10,000 in Canada. That’s because we have strict gun laws. California citizens, Oregon, Washington–safest streets here. We already have good gun laws and women have a right to an abortion under our universal health care system.

But, you know, we don’t have to stop here, Donald. Think about it. You could get rid of all these states that always vote Democratic. You know what else? We’ll take Bernie Sanders off your hands. [He can be a] proud new Canadian citizen of the great province of Vermont. Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine, we’d love to see you. Our Maritime provinces already have deep links and ties [with you].

Well, enough kidding around. But honestly, President Trump, get used to it: Canada is a sovereign nation full of guess what–proud Canadians. We’re not jingoistic. We don’t bow a lot. That’s one of the things that we kind of have in common with Jimmy Carter. We’re not a big nation for braggarts and bullies. We actually like to think we’re of service to the world. We could do better. We can always do better, but we love our country. And it’s a country. It’s a nation. And we do not aspire to be the 51st state.

Canadian MP, Elizabeth May

During an interview following her speech, MP May added, “If it was a joke, it was never funny and it ends now.” Other Canadian leaders, including Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, have also spoken out against Canada becoming the 51st state, saying, “There isn’t a snowballs’ chance in he** that Canada would become part of the United States.”