I like remembering the things that make us smile when we travel. I previously posted some amusing things we’d seen. Here are some things we heard that made us laugh.

While we were in Naples, our guide pointed out two different law enforcement uniforms—the polizei (local police) and the carabinieri (military police).  In general, she said, people don’t like the carabinieri, so they make up jokes about them.  Here’s one:

A trained monkey (polizei) and an astronaut (carabinieri) are sent into space on an experimental flight to see how well the monkey can do.  Instructions appear on the screen and are directed at the monkey, telling it to press the red button, then turn left.  The monkey does it and the vehicle turns left.  The next instructions appear and tell the monkey to press the red button, then the green button, then the thrusters.  The monkey does it and the thrusters engage.  After a series of instructions come for the monkey, the astronaut sends a message to mission control and asks when he will have a chance to do something.  Mission control replies, “Be quiet and feed the monkey.”

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The Viking crew member who gave the daily “port talk” describing the next day’s port highlights and the shore excursions ended every presentation with a joke.  Here are two of them.

The son of a godfather brings his report card home from school and shows it to his dad:  Reading—A+; Science—A+; Geography–B+.  The godfather looks at the report card and reaches for his gun, then shoots his son.  The mother is distraught and crying and asks, “Why did you shoot him?”  The godfather answers, “He knew too much.”

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Walter and Mary go to the county fair and, every year, Walter tells Mary he wants to take the helicopter ride.  Mary says, “No, it’s $400, and $400 is $400,” so they don’t ride.

The helicopter pilot overhears Walter and Mary and approaches them.  He says, “I’ll give you a ride at no cost on one condition:  you can’t say a word.  If you say anything, the deal is off.”  Walter and Mary agree and get onboard.

Walter gets into the front seat beside the pilot and buckles up while Mary gets settled in the back seat.  The pilot takes them up and starts doing tricks with the helicopter, then moves on to death-defying tricks, but neither Walter nor Mary makes a sound.   When they land, the pilot says, “You’re amazing.  I did everything I could to make you scream and you never made a sound.”

“Well, to tell you the truth, ” says Walter, “I almost said something when Mary fell out of the helicopter, but $400 is $400.”

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At the end of one of our excursion in Saint-Remy-de-Provence, while several of us were chatting with our guide, Corina, she laughingly said, “When I conduct tours at the start of a cruise, everyone is tired because they’re jet-lagged; at the end of a cruise, everyone is tired because they’re exhausted.”